Grand theft auto

You know that feeling when you walk out to your parking space and you gasp and tense up for a second because your car isn’t there? But then you remember that you parked it somewhere different and all is well again? Let me tell you how much it sucks when that second feeling never comes.

See my little car's butt? That's how we left it Saturday.

I told you yesterday that we had a great party for Jeremy’s graduation this past Saturday full of fantastic people. And for part of it, we pulled my car out of the garage to make room for the ping-pong table. Well, when we moved it, we left it unlocked with the keys in it with full intention of moving back into the garage in just a couple of hours once everyone had left. And then completely forgot and went to bed.

So, Sunday at 9 a.m. we went out to leave for the Jaguars football game, my car wasn’t in the driveway. And, for a second, I thought, oh, because Jeremy pulled it in the garage already. Until I saw his face and in a very flat tone he said, “Adriane, your car is gone.” I kinda laughed fully not comprehending the situation at hand.

He repeated that it was gone. And I asked what he meant. And then slowly I asked if he was kidding. He wasn’t. I just stared, blank-faced, and he called the police to report it. I know he felt like shit. I, also, felt like shit. It was not a fun revelation. We waited for the police officer to show up.

Officer Faust was at our house within 15 minutes. He brought in his laptop and asked lots of questions about if someone I knew could’ve borrowed it but forgot to tell me or if it could’ve been repossessed or if I had an angry family member or ex-boyfriend. It was none of those things.

It took about 30 minutes to get through all the questions and sign the affidavit and such. I had already texted our friends to let them know we wouldn’t be at the game. I was in shock. We laughed with the officer who was so helpful and kind. He was also funny: “If I could cut off one person’s hand for auto theft, I really think incidents would decline.” I agreed!

I told him I had to ask him a cliché question. Jeremy knew what I was going to say. “You want to know the odds of getting it back, don’t you,” Jeremy asked. I nodded. The officer told me it depended, but since it wasn’t a crack deal gone bad or a family member, sometimes it can take a bit. He said most likely, they just went joy riding and they’ll ditch the car when it runs out of gas. I had half a tank–they could’ve gone 150 miles.

He walked out of our house to talk to our neighbors in case they heard or saw something. On the way from one neighbor to the other. He turned and gave us a thumbs-up. Jeremy trotted over and then they both yelled back to me, “We got it! They found your car. Let’s go!”

I ran inside and grabbed my purse and cell phone. Triple checked all the locks and then met Faust at his car. He was on the phone with the officers at my car. Then he asked them a question. “Is it drivable?” Then after a 500-hour pause, he grimaced.

As I jumped in the back of his car, he told Jeremy to follow us in his car just in case we couldn’t drive my car home. (By the way, as I was telling this to my Mom later that evening, she said, “why didn’t you just ride with Jeremy then?” Hahaha! It never crossed our minds. Instead, Jeremy shut the door behind me and ran to get his car to follow.

This is one way to start a Sunday morning, I guess.

Actually, that was kinda fun. Until the officer told me I probably didn’t want to touch that separation screen I was holding. Yuck! Unfortunately, then we got to an apartment complex less than 10 miles from my house.

This was the first thing I saw.

Well, um, that’s no good. It still had half a tank so they could’ve have gone very far, but wherever they did go, they really had fun with it. Granted, my car is super fun to drive! Unfortunately, they had a little too much fun and rather than joy riding and then ditching like decent criminals, they went joy riding and then almost put it in a ditch.

All four sides had damage, the engine had damage, the fence they slammed my car into had damage. My heart, has damage. Seriously?! What the hell happened here?

Ugh, this side was even worse.

Dents, scratches, gouges, cracks, coated with mud and a busted front end. Effing great.

Then I understood the grimmace...

 And I don’t even know how you pull this off. Donuts in a field?

See all the debris?

And that, folks, is how quickly life can go from a party to a regret. Of course, the insurance company has deemed it totalled. The thought of them towing away my baby (yes, I know it’s ridiculous but I’m in love with my car) makes me so angry and sick to my stomach.
However, a huge thank you goes out to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office (JSO). They sent a wonderful officer, and quickly. Thanks to a person who called in the wrecked car, they also located my car quickly, processed it for fingerprints and other cop things,  and got me on my way. A+ JSO, and especially Officer Faust! Thanks for your jokes, attention and service during a tough time.
So, in my best silver lining attempt, I will share that as far as stealing goes, I did get pretty lucky. I had a much more confident attitude yesterday, before the insurance adjuster dashed any hopes of pretending it didn’t happen and just getting it fixed and moving forward.
And, even though it’s a total loss according to insurance standards, this is an awesome car that not only served me well for the seven years I had it but endured a beating from strangers and held up amazingly well, considering…

Not terrible considering it was crashed into at least one fence and who knows what else...

They stole my garage door opener and house keys, which really don’t matter now since we obviously changed all the locks and codes quick, fast and in a hurry on Sunday. They also stole roughly $0.52 and a cosmetic bag with on-the-go essentials in it (pen, paper, tampon, Chapstick, gum, napkins, etc). So weird.

Is it bad to hope that the thief (or thieves) suffer from neck trouble forever? I’d hate to taunt anyone, I get it, and they won so I hope they enjoyed the drive and are patting themselves on the back at clever and dangerous they are. But still… The sad ending is that although my car was returned to me, it’s fate is to be taken away again permanently.

If you are driving around and see a rogue Volkswagen hubcab or have a white car that was slammed into and then left, think of me fondly!


One response to “Grand theft auto

  1. Pingback: Sorry, Charley | Greenhorn Living

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